When the abuser leaves you it's the final slap in the face

When the abuser leaves you it's the final slap in the face

It’s no secret that a man’s ego has a powerful pull on him.

In fact this hardwired need to impress and to WIN is so deeply embedded into the male mind...

That nearly everything a man truly desires is based around this biological “drive” to prove, succeed and to win.

It’s why so many men become workaholics, gym junkies or become obsessed with their hobbies.

But what most women don’t know...

...is how deeply this “drive” is connected to his love, desire, and attraction for the woman in his life.

And I’m about to show you how you can “tap into” a man’s ege to refocus that same drive and gut level obsession...

...on pleasing you, romancing you, and proving his love for you like you’re his sole purpose in life.

Here’s how: ==> The “Go Ahead” Signal That Makes Him Obsessed With Winning Your Love

P.S. When you tap into a man’s ego this way, you can cause him to literally become obsessed with proving his love for you. So please don’t use this on a man unless you are ready for something serious.

When the abuser leaves you it's the final slap in the face

A lot of women who are abused have a hard time leaving. The average woman takes seven tries, and I was far above average. In the end, my abuse left me, then kicked me out of our home.

Here is a blog I wrote soon after. I hadn't yet escaped the brainwashing long enough to fully understand that I was very LUCKY that he kicked me out:

I’ve had quite a few people and beloved pets die in my life. It’s painful. But, for the most part, all of the people who have died were sick and elderly. I hope it doesn’t seem heartless when I say that being rejected by my spouse feels a million times worse for me. My grandparents loved me, they grew old and they died. My husband rejected me, ceased to love me, and will go off to love someone else more than he was ever capable of loving me. It is excruciating to be rejected.

I’ve blogged for months about the verbal abuse I have endured in this marriage. I’ve tried a dozen times to leave. I know that the pain of constant criticism and disappointment of this marriage is destroying me and leaving me depressed and hysterical. I’ve felt like I’m having a nervous breakdown, I’ve felt suicidal, I’ve felt like I wanted to lay down and die, I’ve felt worthless, I’ve felt like I’m going to break because I can’t take anymore. It has been the most traumatic year of my life, and I can hardly remember what I was like before I met Rick when I felt alive and confident. Still, I didn’t have the strength to leave. I felt like I owed it to myself to try. I gave Rick my heart and my body. I left my life in Ohio. I felt desperate to make this relationship work because of all I’ve invested. Even when it was clear it would never work, I tried to force it to work, pray it into working, change myself to make it work, pray for Rick to change to make it work, anything to tell myself it wasn’t all for nothing. Every time Rick told me that his ex girlfriends were better at love, money, sex, having fun, whatever, I died some more inside and felt like I’d wasted myself on this man who couldn’t appreciate me for ME. It was at that point that I started feeling like a failure because nothing I did pleased him. It was at that point that my self-esteem began it’s spiral into the garbage can. But, no. I’d uprooted my life on a hunch that this was the "one." I couldn’t give up that expectation and hunch. I kept clinging to the idea that our initial strong connection was a sign. Guess what? It wasn’t.

Because I wasn’t strong enough to leave, Rick did. He told me he didn’t love me. He told me he wasn’t sure he ever did. He told me he’d loved his ex-girlfriend more than me and had been happier with her. He left me coldly and didn’t console me as my heart was wrenched out and I sobbed with more pain than I thought was possible. Cold, with no sign of love or humanity. He’s disappeared for over a week and apparently disconnected his cell phone. I’m here in a strange town, alienated from my family, dying inside, and the one person who I still had in my life has cut me off without a care. As if it matters, I’m embarrassed that people might be hating me for Rick’s sake without ever knowing my side of the story. Apparently this is how divorce feels. I’ve been reading, reading, reading as I always do, and it seems like every divorcee or "leavee" goes through this intense pain. We aren’t separated by death, we are rejected by the living.

A small number of abuse victims are rejected by their abusers. In my case, my abuser had been quickly dumped by dozens and dozens of ex girlfriends. He knew I was trying hard to leave, and he got rid of me before I could be the next woman to dump him.

I've read dozens of abuse books, and I end up underlining half the book and exclaiming aloud about how much it sounds exactly like my life with my abuser. One of the best known books is "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. I could quote huge portions of his book that everyone needs to read, but honestly, I'd be typing for weeks! So instead, I'll add some short quotes that apply to this particular blog:

"Since he has to see himself as the more powerful one, he may declare that he broke things off while you 'begged' him for another chance and that you 'promised to change." These kinds of aftershocks of abusive behavior can be painful."

"Women in this position can experience the abuser's departure as one final slap in the face following a long line of previous ones... that leaves her feeling even more humiliated and unlovable."

"... his exit was just one more way she was walked on."